Father Fiction – Donald Miller
In my moment of reprieve from work/testing schedule, I decided to make this journal entry a little more upbeat. I remember one of my commitments upon moving to Seattle was to integrate positive thoughts and mantras into my daily complaints and rants. If you experienced my cheerful, “Today is a New Day” chants, you’ve witnessed my practice. I most-likely hated that day.
I have a personal journal I write in occasionally – mostly when I really need to speak with God. I’m not a fan of public prayer. I never was. Writing is my outlet and means to clearly let myself and God know how I am feeling. The majority of my personal journal reflects my wrestle with God and a healing from brokenness within the 4 years I’ve been in Seattle. He’s my God, and I think it anyway – it’s ok to write it down. God’s my homey.
I remember my decision to document this one particular moment of positivity in my life. I have experienced many moments of happiness and joy in my time here, but I tend to celebrate with a great dinner (accompanied with my drink of choice, of course) and sharing the moment with my friends. These memories get harder to dig up when I am living the daily life.
Greenlake is one of God’s gifts in my life. I’ve looped it many times, reciting my “Psalms” prayers with every run. I particularly remember and recorded a run on a Tuesday afternoon. Most projects I was involved in took me through design, but this was my first that I was able to carry through to construction. This was new territory, and I was challenged to see this through somewhat without my hands being held. In retrospect, I appreciate that I was put through this, and I am proud of the outcome.
I remember ending my run, looking back to the Space Needle in the distance, a foreground of calm water, and a backdrop of autumn leaves and sunset-painted sky. God embraced me that day with natural beauty, and an extended moment of peace and contentment. I experienced worship that only I will understand with my Father. He grants me this moment, when 90% of the time I decide to curse His provision for my life because everyone else I know is moving ‘on track’ with their lives. What a merciful God! I am un-deserving. I am blessed.
It’s easy to get lost in the complaints of the day. I’m glad I decided to include this entry into my personal rants. I fell into mind frame of self-pity while studying for my exam. I am not justifying my feelings, but simply state that it’s a feeling, and I felt it. Bringing my Greenlake memory to my attention helps me to gain composure and understanding to persevere.
Acknowledge your feelings, but also ground yourself in the moments of peace and joy.
Make it a point to document your moments. Coach Taylor would be proud of you. J
Every man at some point in his life is going to lose a battle. He is going to fight and he is going to lose. But what makes him a man is at the midst of that battle he does not lose himself. This game is not over, this battle is not over. _Coach Eric Taylor, Friday Night Lights
Clear Eyes, Full Hearts.
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