Up in the Air 2012

Flight Home (Seattle-Miami)

Flights have always channeled the day-dreamer side of me into overload.  Plugged into my MP3, I start reflecting on my life – past, present, and future.  I often day-dream of how my life should’ve played out.  2012 rings in a new milestone for me.  10 days from now, I will hit 30.  As cliché as it is, I feel the big hit.  I feel the end of an era – my 20s, and a hopeful look into new territory – 30. 

Oh, how this story should’ve panned out differently!  By now, I was to be a loving housewife to a husband and loving mom to 2 kids with one on the way.  Here I am, about to turn 30, no where close to this story, working diligently at this path called “career” that God seems to make so peaceful to cross – grumbling with every step.  I was so obedient, and I repented all my sins, God – what’s the deal?  Where’s my gold star?

God punched me in the face at age 25, breaking my hopes and dreams (in retrospect, I can see where I set myself up) and seemingly abandoned me.  I knew better than to rebel against Him, did that before, so I chose to be obedient – with a few “F-you”s along the way.  It’s only been 5 years since then, but man, what journey obedience and patience can paint!  So much wisdom and growth harvested from patience and obedience while my wounds healed.

As a part of my resolutions at 29, I chose to run a half-marathon.  I am not a runner, nor do I come from an athletic family.  On December 4^th, I completed my first (probably my last) half-marathon.  I ran all the way.  I remember thinking about how thankful I was for God’s provision of community, friends, family, love throughout my time in Seattle.  I also remembered that even with that abundance of support, I couldn’t have done it without my own willingness to fight, push, endure.  Have faith in God, yes, but my own fight is just as important to this growth.  God is not your fairy-godmother.  A pastor once preached, “You cannot move a parked car”.  You must move.

Annoyed I may be that my life didn't pan how I thought it should - I stand thankful and praising God for His provision and not giving me all I wanted.  I approach my 30th year showered in His blessings, and I could not wish to be in anyone else's shoes .

Two things I took away from my beginning visits to a church in Seattle:

·         You cannot move a parked car

·         You should journal

2012, here I am, committing myself to weekly journaling.  My story is not very different from any other chic growing up in Disneyworld stories and worlds of Prince Charmings  – probably quite annoying; another princess story gone awry.  True.  So why am I doing this, and why even make this public?  I thought about this, and all I could come up with was a list:

·         Accountability

·         Conviction

·         Maybe my story will resonate with a reader; maybe it will bring comfort

·         I need to vocalize myself more

·         I need to invest in myself more

·         I need to practice my expressions

·         I need to stop Keeping up with the Kardashians and hone in on myself

·         I need to practice my writing skills

·         I need to write so somebody can find my story and turn it into a movie or possibly a reality show.

I don’t know why I am making this public, but I do feel practicing my vulnerability to the public in the privacy of my own laptop could be a fruitful start.  If you know me in person, you know that I am full of sarcasm, and I am pretty funny.  Future husband: note this on your list of blessings ;).  I gotta be honest – I am quite terrified to let ya’ll know who I am and what really goes on in this head of mine.  Please, still stay my friends. J So here’s to my taking a leap of faith that this will bear fruit. 

Lord, let the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart be pleasing to You.