.hymn.

God, thank you for Pandora.

Shane and Shane, Chopin accompany me through my study hours, while Foo Fighters and Red Hot Chili Peppers vocalize my angst and frustrations.  However, the real treat is the ability to whisk away into wonderment of “someday my prince will come…” as I pretend to be under the evil spells of my captors – working for the man.  

Weary from a day of learning, growing, practicing – working, I have to recompose myself and find the focus to absorb concepts and information for test 2, which is now 2 weeks away.  My eyes go cross at least once a day.  Working is an opportunity that I’ve grown to be thankful for, but can be overwhelming at times.  Nevertheless, my life lately is consumed with managing a work/study balance.

As the Old Rugged Cross by Bart Millard started to play on my study hour, I was reminded of the days as a young girl when I would tag along with my parents to their small group gatherings.  I looked forward to these days because I was going to see my friends/older brothers and sisters, and we were going to play.  I grew up an only child for a good 10 years and didn’t really grow up amongst immediate family members, so the church congregation was my family.

The image of my parents and friends sitting around in a circle, swaying back and forth while singing the old hymnals is forever ingrained as a memory that brings me solace.  I’m not sure why, but that is one of the pictures I will probably never forget.  My father seemed to find his comfort in the old hymnals, and they were ever present in my up-bringing. 

This day I’m grateful for a minute of this memory in the midst of my busy mind.

Prayer Practice

Little by little every day
Little by little in every way
Jesus is changing me...

Curious about a fellowship in town, I decided to visit one of the nights to check it out.  At the end of the night, the pastor asked for us to share prayer requests and then challenged us to pray for the other within the week and follow-up.  This is pretty routine for small groups, but for some reason my heart grew heavy on this night.  As I listened to each person’s prayer request, my heart grew heavy with the conviction of how much I’ve grown out of touch with the practice of prayer. 

By no means has my relationship with God disconnected, but the practice of prayer has dwindled significantly.  The busy-ness of life leaves me exhausted by the end of the day – definitely by the end of the week.  Waiting on the Lord wears down on a soul; my wishes, my plans are not coming true fast enough. My prayers have become mere day-dreaming or zoning out, easily distracted by the needs of the day.  I have so many thoughts in my head that I often find myself drawing a blank.

My youth pastor taught us how to structure our prayer: begin with thanks, confess your sins, prayer requests.  As I took one of my morning commutes as a time to “speak” with God, I decided that this was a good place to start.  Simplicity is what God asks for, and it sounds pretty nice in such a "loud" world.

I think maybe God is prodding me to start my intentional walk with Him, practicing my verbal prayers and carving out time for it.  I didn't really give anything up for Lent this year, but I guess practicing my prayer walk would be a good start.  With no expectancy in this conviction,  we’ll see where this takes me. 

He’s changing me, my precious Jesus
I’m not the same person that I used to be
Some times it’s slow going
but there’s a knowing
That one day perfect I will be.