Patch of Grass

God bless snow-storms.  I selfishly state my partaking in the natural “disasters” that bring us reprieve from our workdays.  Don’t mess with me – I will pray for mighty smiting, and I’ve been told by a fortune cookie that “God loves me, especially”.

I decided to relive my one memory of making snowmen @ 3years old.  I lived my first 3 years of my life in Raleigh, North Carolina, and the only vivid memory I had was making a BIIIIIG snowman with my dad.  And on the third day, he melted.  I saw his deceased body, broken for me, on my way to church.  The fact that he melted on Sunday brought me comfort.

As I lined up the entourage of mini-snowmen around our house, I relived the giddiness that I felt that day.  How beautiful, wonderful is a child’s first discovery!  What I remember while rolling up the big balls of snow with my dad (ha, ok - he did most of the work) was that I felt joy.  I imagine this is the feeling a child is expressing through his/her tiny smile accompanied by wide eyes and squeals – and I understand. J I hope to someday experience that moment with one of my own, but for now, I have the privilege of that experience in my church’s toddler ministry.  I am no longer totally naïve – I know those moments come with challenging times as well.  ;)

For now, I am working through acceptance of waiting on God.  My pastor said, “The grass is greener on the other side, but you must water your own grass.”  For those who know me, know that I’ve committed myself to an industry I’ve “disliked” for a good 10 years.  I committed myself to architecture school and career, and I kicked, screamed, whined ALL THE WAY.  I’m now on the path to licensure.  Why?  Because I have a hunch that God gave me this “talent”, and I'm curious where this is gonna lead. I’ve learned to know that I have a talent somewhere in this industry, and now I have interest in construction.  God put some of the most intelligent, wisest mentors in my path, not just in the field, but also expanding my comprehension of balancing the dreams/values of family with this career.  It would be a waste to not take this “talent” for a stroll.  How far I’ve come from wanting to be a housewife, graduating summa cum laude of the M.R.S. department!

I don’t know what my future looks like, but for now I have faith and a patch of grass to tend to.  I know I am not alone in this struggle, and I am thankful for that fact.  I share this story and vulnerability to encourage you to be patient and obedient, have tenacious faith, and pray.  

But you gotta water your grass along the way.

Bountiful Harvest

I am blessed.  I am blessed.  I am blessed.

Back to work, but floating in retrospect of my blessed life *enter touchy NBC drama soundtrack here*.  I have friends to boast of.  I am so proud to call them mine.  God provided you to me along every aspect of my life.  The past week has been such a wonderful reflection as I caught up with childhood friends to the community God has blessed me with here in Seattle.  I’m so proud of my friends. 

Thank you for your:

Smiles   |      Laughter    |     Tears     |      Coffee, Movie, Dinner Dates      |      Imagination        |              Wisdom       |         Encouragement       |    Vulnerability    |      Consistency      |    Loyalty         |     Belief in me        |       Acceptance

Thank you for walking alongside my valleys; thank you for letting me walk through yours .          

Thank you for your faith in God, and for living a life as testament.

Thank you for being comfortable in your own skin.

Thank you for complaining/venting with me.

Thank you for pushing me.

Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with me. 

Thank you for not hiding. 

Thank you for not giving up.

I’m so proud of my friends.  I walked with such a sorrowful and bitter heart for so long.  Sometimes, it’s good to look back and count the friends who carried you despite their own brokenness.  Wonderful evidence of God's consistency and provision through my growing pains.
What a beautiful path your friendship painted.  Praise God for you! J

Break | Family

Happy New Year!

Coming home to Florida for the first year’s days has been a great respite from the growing pains of the daily grind.  Here, I am engulfed in the love of my family, friends, and home church.  One thought resounds as I catch up with each friend/family member – I am very blessed. 

My parents recently celebrated their 31st anniversary.  My dad still heralds the day with a bouquet of roses and a grin on his face.  Not many families these days can boast of this.  The years were not easy, but I am thankful that even through their challenges, they committed to their faith and commitment to one another as a model for marriage.  I can't imagine (maybe I'll experience it someday) how hard it must be to put aside your dreams and expectations for your children (your intentions are good) and simply love.

I am thankful to grow up in tough love with a balance of edification and praise.  Mom and dad grew us up with simply the expectancy to do our best and to trust in the plan God had for us.  What did I take from all this? I learned obedience and discipline – practice watering my grass even though I do not understand the situation at hand.

I am blessed to come from a family who valued and committed our lives to the Lord.  I was not the easiest of teenagers to raise. Through no fault of my parents, I decided to rebel and make my parents’ lives a living hell.  My parents couldn’t have gotten through it, nor could we have grown to what we are today without the church family.  Youth pastors, Sunday school teachers, congregation family – we have this community to thank for who we are today.  How important church community is to a healthy upbringing!

Who knew God’s prodding would cast me out all the way to the polar opposite end of the country? I understand now His reasoning, but I can’t help but wish he would’ve packaged me up with my family and friends. I have my new community in Seattle now, but nothing can replace the one back at home.  However, I am proud to boast of my solid foundation, built by my community who sacrificed with the faith that their unconditional love would bear fruit.

I am blessed.  I am blessed.  I am blessed.

Up in the Air 2012

Flight Home (Seattle-Miami)

Flights have always channeled the day-dreamer side of me into overload.  Plugged into my MP3, I start reflecting on my life – past, present, and future.  I often day-dream of how my life should’ve played out.  2012 rings in a new milestone for me.  10 days from now, I will hit 30.  As cliché as it is, I feel the big hit.  I feel the end of an era – my 20s, and a hopeful look into new territory – 30. 

Oh, how this story should’ve panned out differently!  By now, I was to be a loving housewife to a husband and loving mom to 2 kids with one on the way.  Here I am, about to turn 30, no where close to this story, working diligently at this path called “career” that God seems to make so peaceful to cross – grumbling with every step.  I was so obedient, and I repented all my sins, God – what’s the deal?  Where’s my gold star?

God punched me in the face at age 25, breaking my hopes and dreams (in retrospect, I can see where I set myself up) and seemingly abandoned me.  I knew better than to rebel against Him, did that before, so I chose to be obedient – with a few “F-you”s along the way.  It’s only been 5 years since then, but man, what journey obedience and patience can paint!  So much wisdom and growth harvested from patience and obedience while my wounds healed.

As a part of my resolutions at 29, I chose to run a half-marathon.  I am not a runner, nor do I come from an athletic family.  On December 4^th, I completed my first (probably my last) half-marathon.  I ran all the way.  I remember thinking about how thankful I was for God’s provision of community, friends, family, love throughout my time in Seattle.  I also remembered that even with that abundance of support, I couldn’t have done it without my own willingness to fight, push, endure.  Have faith in God, yes, but my own fight is just as important to this growth.  God is not your fairy-godmother.  A pastor once preached, “You cannot move a parked car”.  You must move.

Annoyed I may be that my life didn't pan how I thought it should - I stand thankful and praising God for His provision and not giving me all I wanted.  I approach my 30th year showered in His blessings, and I could not wish to be in anyone else's shoes .

Two things I took away from my beginning visits to a church in Seattle:

·         You cannot move a parked car

·         You should journal

2012, here I am, committing myself to weekly journaling.  My story is not very different from any other chic growing up in Disneyworld stories and worlds of Prince Charmings  – probably quite annoying; another princess story gone awry.  True.  So why am I doing this, and why even make this public?  I thought about this, and all I could come up with was a list:

·         Accountability

·         Conviction

·         Maybe my story will resonate with a reader; maybe it will bring comfort

·         I need to vocalize myself more

·         I need to invest in myself more

·         I need to practice my expressions

·         I need to stop Keeping up with the Kardashians and hone in on myself

·         I need to practice my writing skills

·         I need to write so somebody can find my story and turn it into a movie or possibly a reality show.

I don’t know why I am making this public, but I do feel practicing my vulnerability to the public in the privacy of my own laptop could be a fruitful start.  If you know me in person, you know that I am full of sarcasm, and I am pretty funny.  Future husband: note this on your list of blessings ;).  I gotta be honest – I am quite terrified to let ya’ll know who I am and what really goes on in this head of mine.  Please, still stay my friends. J So here’s to my taking a leap of faith that this will bear fruit. 

Lord, let the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart be pleasing to You.